You Ain’t (EXPLETIVE)

.. “ She is giving me the side eye saying she ain’t staying over here, each and  every time I let her down like I didn’t care..She said she thought I was different but she’s clear… she ain’t got nothing good to say but this, you ain't ****” –TREY SONGZ

When I was in college, it was cool for guys to dress well, have an extensive vocabulary, carry books around campus, be the head of multiple organizations, and basically look like the perfect guy. But when they got around their friends, they would joke around and say, “You know I ain’t ***t” and laugh. I would be listening in on the guys conversation shocked. I know they were kidding around, but were all of them really joking? Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks, according to scripture. 

I wondered why these men had such great presentation and wonderful reputations. They looked so established, and on paper they definitely were, but among their friends what was in their heart was truly exposed. They were similar to a holiday fruit cake disguised with red dye and cream cheese frosting. It looks like a red velvet on the outside but when you bite its nasty fruit cake. It was as if they felt it was okay to perpetrate who they knew they needed to be, and maybe wanted to be, but didn’t take the responsibility of actually being what they pretended to be. I viewed them as ambitious, driven, intelligent, responsible, and they might have very well had these traits, but they were only utilized from “9-5”. Like a job they were on their best behavior to reel you in, but after they’ve hooked a girl they were wolves in sheep’s clothing. Now, that sounds extreme, but some of their transformations were extreme! I mean some of the guys treated girls so bad, and a lot of girls simply let them, despite seeing the signs that they were up to no good. Both parties were lost looking for satisfaction from a person who could never give them what they really needed. The girls needed self-esteem and the guys needed a true identity, one not painted by the players and rap megastars with exaggerated lives on TV.

For the guys whose transformations were less drastic, they were just young and hadn’t met the girl worth getting right for. They were not ready for a relationship and maybe rightfully so! In college many guys are not looking for serious relationships or marriage because it’s probably not the right time. Yet, the “ain't s**t” mentality was used as a cop out when things got too serious. This category of guys didn’t intend to dog girls out, but they didn’t carefully tend to their hearts either. It's young and passionate love's mistake. They think it’s all about the “mushy” feelings and not intentional loving actions which involves sacrifice. When the guy couldn’t figure out how to ‘get right’ and was not ready to grow, he’d use the excuse, “well, you know I ‘aint ****, so why are you mad when I do what I do?”  He would be thinking, well if I tell her this statement, I’m not required to live up to any expectations. It takes the pressure off the guys, throwing the ball in your court. Men hate pressure, stress, nagging, and anything overly-emotional. Most things are cut and dry to them. If they aren’t at a maturity level to own up to their actions it just won’t happen. YOU can’t change a man, only God and the guys desire to be better for himself can.

MY POINT IS I am out of college now, and I still hear some MEN use this I'm no good phrase! I hate this idea of a man telling himself he is no good when God sees him as so much more. I have had many men tell me, “my father was worthless, he didn’t stick around so how can I?”  I have heard, “I never saw a good marriage or healthy relationship therefore I don’t know how to be in one” or “I learned from TV, or my crazy no good uncle about love. I had to figure it out that’s why I don’t know how to be monogamous”.  This makes me sad because although the way we are brought up can greatly affect our love lives, we can choose to be better than what we experienced!

It is simple …let me show you. From now on when I’m in a relationship I am putting my name into

1st Corinthians 13:4-7…

4 Love (Gabby) is patient and kind. Love (Gabby) is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It (She) does not demand it's (her) own way. (She) It is not irritable, and.. keeps no record of being wronged.6 It (She) does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love (Gabby) never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Do you see how powerful this is?! This makes sure that I am loving to whomever I’m in a relationship with. Although, I had great examples of love and godly marriage, a great relationship is not based on what I experienced as a child. It is up to me! I am so spoiled sometimes, and stubborn. I love to have MY way, but is that true love? No! This verse is. I choose to act like what it describes with GODS HELP! 

Ladies and gentlemen YOU ARE MORE THAN WHAT SOCIETY TELLS YOU. YOU ARE MORE THAN WHAT YOUR PARENTS DID AND BETTER THAN THE PARENT OR PERSON THAT HURT YOU. MEN, YOU ARE POWERFUL USE IT FOR THE GREATER GOOD, NOT TO PERPETUATE THE NEGATIVE STIGMAS. DESIRE MORE FROM YOURSELVES!

YOU ARE LOVED AND CAN BE LOVE!

XO,

Gabby