Daddy Issues

"Everyone has daddy issues"......
I started this blog wanting to talk about how a young gentlemen once said to me, " I don't date girls with daddy issues." I was appalled. I thought it was so rude to categorize young ladies who grew up in homes without fathers as being un-dateable.  Although, I was raised in a two parent home, I have friends from on both ends of the spectrum who are wonderful people and quite great candidates to date.   When I asked what issues, he said to me, "they are clingy, emotionally dependent, often have low self-esteem , and are sometimes more willing to be sexually involved aka 'easy'." When I brought this up in another group discussion, a room of men, they all nodded in agreement.

For SOME young ladies whose father was not present growing up, this observation may have been true. The absence of a loving and present father can cause for a desire to seek love and positive attention from men.  Without proper guidance, those they seek to date, who seem like they can provide the love they need, can cause more problems rather than help. These men can never fill the areas that are empty and can not tend to the garden of their hearts like it needs to be tended to. Looking for love in the wrong place can lead to unhealthy attachments, intense emotions, feelings of rejection leading to low self-esteem, and the desire to be deeply loved, causing them to seem "easy". This is because they confuse sex with love. (This is not true for everyone who had an absent father) As we talked, I sat and thought about men who also suffer from the residual effect of an absent father. I was upset at how the absence of a father in a home could produce such negative effects in both men and women, especially in how they date. I wanted to paint a picture of how "daddy issues" can affect healthy relationships. Then it hit me....we ALL have daddy issues.

Whether you grew up in a home with or without a father, there is a phenomena that rocks human nature. The absence of the heavenly father in our lives produces negative effects that are deeper than issues with earthly fathers.  When he is not present in our life, that's when things really go haywire.

Have you ever accomplished something amazing and still felt unsatisfied? Were you the person who always had it easy, always received what you desired but still never felt complete. Are you fearful of being lonely? Does anxiety wreck your life often and cause you to drown in fear? Do you feel empty or an odd sense of disconnect at times? These are all consequences of  our daddy issues. These issues stem from the lack of a relationship with our creator, Daddy God. When this relationship suffers, we suffer. I notice the difference in my day when I have not spent time with the lord. I also notice when I am not connected to the vine like I should be overall. John 14 talks about how being apart from the father (disconnected from the vine) keeps us from success. It is when we are in connection with our life source, Jesus, that we can win. We feel complete and we feel like life has purpose when we are connected to the vine (Gods word/prayer/meditation).

In the flesh, I know my relationship with my earthly father has affected who I date and what I put up with. I am very spoiled (in a good way), expect to be treated with respect, have high standards for how I carry myself, and look for good qualities in a man much like my father's. He is very chill, insightful, intelligent, great at barbecuing, great at fixing things around the house, and loves the lord. I can't help but really like a guy who has those qualities. It makes me feel like he will be a great provider, husband, and father like my dad.  This is what I saw growing up and I don't mind waiting for the fellow who has these qualities and more, to find me. This is what I experienced so this is what I look for...(lets transfer this to the spiritual perspective)

If I place God on the pedestal of my life and focus on our relationship, I then am able to have healthy relationships with others. God is love (1st John 4:8) and love is ; patient, kind, not selfish, proud , rude, keeps no record of wrong, always hopes, perseveres, and never fails (1st Corinthians 13). Filling myself with his love and meditating on how much he loves me not only builds me up but causes me to overflow with love for others. He is the ultimate example of how to love/respect myself and how to love others, whether it is a friend, boyfriend, family member, or co-worker. We can all overcome daddy issues by reconnecting with the ultimate daddy, DADDY GOD.